Samantha Messersmith
Nine years ago, I was
in my second year at Cal State Sacramento and my roommate and I were heading to
a friend's apartment for a New Year's celebration.
Whenever we left the
house, I made sure to take my keys and purse, just in case we got separated.
But that night, when I went to grab my purse off its knob in the hallway, a voice inside told me not to take it.
Once we left our
doorstep, a small SUV drove past us very slowly. My roommate mentioned she
thought it was eerie, but I didn’t think much of it. We continued to walk
through the streets of our apartment complex, carrying on with excitement about
the evening ahead.
Each building in our
large complex was lit up by one streetlight, and was separated by dark
pathways. As we got farther from our place, my roommate noticed there were
three men trailing behind us. It made her nervous, but I told her to carry on
and not worry. We were walking on New Year’s night in our large, gated,
apartment complex; it didn’t seem strange that other people were walking
outside as well.
We were
mid-conversation when I suddenly heard my roommate scream, “What do you want,
my purse?” I looked back to see one of the men behind us holding a gun to her
side. All three men were dressed in dark clothing: Hoods covered their heads,
masks concealed their faces, and the only thing you could see was the evil in their
eyes. In that moment, everything in my life froze. My soul left my body and all
I could think was, do whatever you have to do to survive.
My roommate looked at
me in a panic and I nodded, “Give it to him.” The two other men approached me
and one said, “Give me your purse.” I quickly responded in fear, “I don’t have
a purse, I don’t have a purse!” He lunged toward me, inserted his gun, topped
with a silencer, into my mouth, and replied “Shut your mouth.”
An unexpected sense
of calm immediately came over me; I knew that if I freaked out, they could
freak out. The two men blocked me from moving as the other took my roommate's
purse and sent her on her way. My mind went numb. About 20 yards ahead, she
glanced back and I nodded for her to keep going.
The car that had
driven past our apartment earlier that evening was now heading toward me. As it
pulled up, the only thought I had was, “This is it; they are going to take me
and kill me.” I was completely paralyzed by fear. I asked God to take care of
my family and tell them how much I loved them. I was ready to submit — there
wasn’t another option.
But then a miracle
happened. The two men parted and stepped to the side. It was like a force came
in and placed an invisible space between them that I could safely walk through.
I started walking forward slowly, praying they wouldn’t stop me. I picked up
the pace the farther I got, and then I heard the car door shut. I got to a
corner and I ran. I ran as fast as I could and I never looked back. That night I drove
two hours to my parents’ home. I woke up the next morning with my heart racing,
soaked in a cold sweat. This was my new reality.
The year before, my
roommate and I had done everything together and she was my best friend.
Unfortunately, after that experience, our relationship came to an end very
quickly. I was at a place in my life where I had to separate myself from the
reality of that night. I only went back to that apartment complex one time: to
gather my stuff.
Our attackers were
never found. And oddly, that gave me peace. They didn’t know my name or where I
lived. They could never find me again.
My sister opened her
home to me to come and finish college in Washington State. The night before I
left, I realized that I could either spend the rest of my life living in the
shadow of what had happened to me, or I could seek help, work through the pain,
and start truly living my life anew. Ultimately, that
night taught me so many valuable lessons about the importance of faith and
resilience. Here are a few:
Tomorrow is never
promised.
I grew up in a
predominantly wealthy town with minimal crime. I knew bad things happen, but I
only ever saw them on TV or read about them in the newspaper. I never even
imagined they would happen to me. Something changes inside of you when you
experience how quickly your life can be taken away. Your perspective changes,
your will to live changes, and you change.
After that night, I
reevaluated all of my relationships, prioritized the way I spent my time, and
worked to remove any negativity holding me back from reaching my potential.
You can create your
own purpose.
I had spent most of
my life making all of the right decisions and following the straight and narrow
path. Comfort was my closest friend. I was going to graduate from college, get
a corporate job, meet an educated and religious man, start a family, and raise
my kids in a quiet, safe, suburban town. I was happily on my way to becoming
everyone else.
But after the trauma
of my sophomore year, I started to feel like my life was meant for something greater. So I started my journey to find
it. I got into therapy, maintained a healthy exercise routine, read
motivational material, spent time doing the things that made me happy, and
surrounded myself with people who motivate, inspire, and lift me up. Today, I
have found that greater purpose for my life. As an author, speaker, and mentor,
I am working to be a voice for men and women to overcome fear and start living
again.
You can overcome.
Life-changing
tragedies can steal your joy in the blink of an eye. There is only one thing I
can remember from my first therapy appointment after that night: It's my therapist
saying, “I know you are here because you want me to make what happened to you
go away. It is never going to go away. I am going to give you the tools to
handle it when those feelings come up.”
Life is always going
to happen, but it's up to you how you respond to it. You don't have to live as
a victim of your past — the tools to overcome anything already lie within you.
No comments:
Post a Comment