DEALING WITH GRIEF

I called a friend that I had not spoken to in a long time. When I asked why he had been so silent, he told me he had lost his job. “I have been crying everyday”, he continued, “I just don’t know what to do”. I have had my own share of losses, and one of the series of emotions experienced at the point of loss is first of all shock, then denial, confusion follows, and finally grief. Even though no one hopes to lose anything, loss is not loss.  In my opinion, the loss of life seems more eternal and therefore more painful than any other kind of loss. As it is popularly said, “when there is life there is hope”. So when someone loses a job, he has hope of getting another one. But if someone loses a loved one to death, there is deeper grief because of the belief that they will never see their loved one again. Now, people deal with loss in different ways. Some are able to handle it better than others, whether it is of death or anything else.

I saw Up in the Air, a movie by George Clooney. The movie was basically about the loss of jobs, and how each individual was able to handle it on both sides. George was able to do well with the job of firing people, because like a doctor, he didn’t make it personal.  But regardless, he tried to make them see some light at the end of the dark tunnel. His younger partner was different. She got it wrong because she believed it was about being tough about the process. She probably knew that nothing was good about losing a job, but you don’t toughen it out. You face it as what it is, but then decide that it is the end of an era, and then make plans to move on. No wonder she quit the job when she found that one of the people fired from her job had committed suicide. She didn’t see that coming and she just didn’t get that part of life. In grief anything is possible; the good, bad and ugly. The decision stays with the individual. I always tell people who grieve that the wise thing to do at that moment is to allow the natural emotions that come with it, but give no room for it to stay.

I have found through personal experience that grief has no cure; it’s a process. Just like fear, it is a natural phenomenon that comes with loss. But like fear, do not let it take root. My goal here is to show how hope can help in the moments of grief. Hope is the belief or expectation that something will happen. But no one can hope in isolation. When you see a dark cloud, you begin to either hope that it rains or not. The dark cloud is your cause for hope. People need something to steer them towards hope. They are totally dependent on a promise, an assurance or a person.

Like I earlier said, grief is a process, and this process could be either shorter or longer, and it is solely dependent on you. Everyone who is alive today is alive because of what they hope for. Their hope may be based on a false premise or true. Ironically, people who lose hope in some situations have actually exercised hope in other situations in their lives. We go to school because we hope to graduate and earn a living. We see our doctors because we hope they would help with our infirmity, and so on. The challenge is being consistent in being hopeful. And I have found out that with some people, hope is a matter of convenience not Will. When the situation does not seem so challenging, there is hope. But when it is bigger than anything they have ever imagined, they lose hope. How then can we stay consistent in hope?

I know I may sound a bit unrealistic, but the truth is everyone has a reason to hope.  Or simply put, there is hope for everyone. Yet that hope must be built on something trustworthy and infallible. Anything in this world that has an original is prone to having a counterfeit, and the counterfeit always sells more than the original, because more people believe they cannot afford the original, and are not willing to work at getting the original. So they settle for less, and when the test of time comes, less does not hold and they become miserable.

For Christians, our hope is built on Jesus. He has given us every reason to trust Him. And for those of us who have walked with Him, we have found Him to be true. Jesus does not say anything to feed our emotions. Everything He says is geared at feeding our faith. That is why in John 16:33 He states that in this world, we will have many troubles. Jesus tells it as it is. He prepares our minds for the realities of life, but then assures us of His pre-eminence over all things. In Mark 10:29-30, He reels out all the good things of life that we are sure to have here on earth on His account, but then adds that they will not be without persecutions. Those words would scare anyone, because nobody wants trouble or persecution of any sort. But we live in an imperfect world. And the one who is perfect and has walked the world, understands it, and has told us to trust Him to help us navigate this troubled world. In His own words He says, “…but take heart, I have overcome the world”.

What blessed assurance to know that regardless of whatever we go through, there is someone we can trust to bring us through. Who is best to run to from the troubles of this world than He who has overcome the world? As they say, experience is the best teacher. Jesus has also had his share of grief; He lost John the Baptist who was His forerunner, faced chaotic situations, the death of Lazarus was so deep He grieved (even though he was later brought to life), he was betrayed by His own people, denied by his disciple, and died in the hands of the very people He came to save.  He was a man of sorrows. But He overcame, and now He wants to help us overcome.

So in the words of Jesus I say, “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have perfect peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer (take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted)! For I have overcome the world (I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you), John 16:33 (AMP)

But remember that if you come to Him, you must believe that He exists and that He is a REWARDER of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him, Hebrews 11:6 (AMP).